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 sometimes I feel like hooking up with a prostitute. not out of desperation or anything, just because I get horny and I dont want to go on apps or really put myself out there emotionally with other women. I wanna be able to do stuff, whatever I want, stuff that would otherwise require becoming close with someone beforehand and having to ask whether or not they are comfortable about it or having to worry about their needs. I know that sounds messed up but whats the point of caring if that person might not be with me forever? why would I want to get emotionally invested with someone only for them to possibly decide to leave? its not that I dont care about others feelings, I do care. I care too much. Its ironic. I dont like hookups, yet I think about getting with a prostitute. But at least with a prostitute, its like having a body to your own. they have to listen to you- within reason, of course. I like how they are forced into in a way. getting with a regular woman and having them be uncomfortable would suck, but with a prostitute it kinda turns me on. theyre like a living toy that you can rent. even if you are submissive, you are still the dominant party since shes an object. you still have control. 

 I wish I was a guy. I see women with men all the time, no matter how bottom tier or generic the men look. maybe I wouldnt think men look so mid if I was attracted to them, but from an outsiders perspective I feel like how lonely men probably feel when they see couples. but for me its on a more extreme scale since its not just the fact the men look so average or low quality, its the fact they are men in general. Most women arent into other women. It makes me resent gay men even though I dont want to, outside of the fact literally every single gay man Ive met was a stuck up bully or were needlessly sexist. gay men have it so fucking easy, its annoying. even straight women love them, thats the part I hate the most. they are idolized and idealized in media everywhere, clapped up and celebrated. meanwhile people like me are groomed into harming ourselves, groomed into rejecting our sexuality even by those in the community- trying to shame us into liking troons. gay men own their own saunas, bars, etc. we dont get our spaces. every time theres a space meant exclusively for lesbians, its shut down or people criticize it for "gatekeeping". if I ever went postal, this would be one of the major reasons why. No, it would be the sole reason why. Oppression and discrimination. Being a genuine outcast. I just want to be "normal", but really I just want to be seen as equal. I hate being a minority. I hate how I cant change the fact Im a minority, while i constantly have to see privileged straight people pretend to be minorities. even in regards to disability, theres a lot of fakers. people romanticize my type of struggle, but they never want to treat people like me with respect or admiration. Its like a racist admiring a culture but then viewing the people who belong to that culture as a lesser The fact people would call that compariosn offensive is telling.

According to progressives, heres the oppression chart in order:

• s straight black man (transbians)
• gay black men (HSTS)
  
• straight white men (transbians)
• gay men (HSTS)
•  people of color
• muslin people 
• fat people
  
• women
• disabled people

they wanna call that nonsense but thats genuinely how they act. though I am being generous by placing black troons above white ones as really they only bring up black troons the same way they bring up black people in general in regards to "fatphobia", its merely a shield. white troons would be on the top according to their idea of oppression. 

in reality, something non debatable, sexuality and disability are the most oppressed groups. the most discriminated against. mostly lesbians in terms of sexuality. the only two groups that dont even have all their rights no matter where they live. at least with any other group, they have all their rights at least in some country or community. yet ironically, the most oppressed groups are the most ignored because the root of the issue is too nuanced. its why when people talk about "womens rights", they mention the non existent pay gap or abortion. they dont talk about the real issues, issues that arent simple to solve. they do this with race too, always about reparations for slavery and not about other shit that isnt throwing money at people as a fake "im sorry". its all fake. everything these people represent is fake. its not about others, its not about helping. its about how they look pretending to care. its about what they can gain.